The country used to be fun

But when the water in the back of the toilet freezes, YES it’s too goddamn cold. I’m in Dallas with family for the holidays and that meant a trip two hours north to the family farmhouse in Oklahoma. It’s in the middle of nowhere, in a town so small it’s restaurants 1 and red lights 0.

The country neighbor down the road has a cute family of goats, as pets, not dinner don’t worry. And an assortment of dachshunds, or what he lovingly calls dash-hounds. Each a different color, it was the variety package, including a few of  the long-haired cuties. They chased us and barked like crazy, probably wanting to come home with us. They must have been freezing outside in their pen last night. It was 11 degrees for fuck sake. Like any good trip to the country, we saw a coyote, some sheep, 2 calico chickens and lots of dogs outside. Anywhere else and the SPCA would be alerted. But Oklahoma, forget it. It’s just different there. Oklahoma is OK is the state slogan. I say there is very little OK about that place.

Dear Ancestors,

I’m sorry about your state.