I can always add the dog later. After I put in new grass and a doggie door. Then I heard raccoons and other wily creatures come in those things in the middle of the night. And the cat might sneak out the doggie door. And dogs are a lot of work, you have to race home after work instead of going to happy hour, to walk them. Oh and you can’t go out of town and leave them for even a day. What the hell was I thinking, Mr Whiskers practically takes care of himself. He might be the perfect man for me.

She has worked her ass off, so it was nice to see that rewarded. Hilarious and friendly, she seemed forthcoming so I asked the money question, I had to know. Does she drive a Ferrari and have her own table at Patina? I’d just like to know what I’m missing, thank you very much.

Seems every writer in advertising is working on a screenplay or a book, hoping to be the next big thing. You see, in the real world of writing, advertising is only one job above cafeteria lady.

Afterwards a few of the others asked me about advertising and mentioned they wouldn’t mind doing what I do. Hey, at least it’s writing they reminded me. And I remembered not so long ago, I thought it would be cool to be an ad writer too.

Nothing like an evening with strangers to remind you that your own life aint so bad. And I don’t have to wear a hairnet.

For 420k I could buy a funky 600 square foot, 1 bedroom, 1 bath treehouse. And I am a sucker for an amazing outdoor space or a view. But you’re kinda expensive and driving those hilly narrow streets freak me out. That last house-like-a-ship was cool, but street parking and walking a quarter mile up a hillside plank, not so cool.

Now the famous and skinny are all over it. Let’s hope stores in LA are well stocked.

Once you see something you like enough to spend your money on, you quickly make an offer over asking price. It’s nuts actually. There’s no time to even think about it.

The competition is fierce in LA, and I’m supposedly a qualified buyer. Not qualified enough that I have all cash, like some freaks do. Though I’ve been saving for years, have 20% down and good credit. But houses here are going fast and for so far over the asking price, you’ve gotta be ready to spend big the minute you see the house. I just got outbid by 60k. On a tiny 400k house. I offered over asking, but someone else wanted it way more than I did, and offered 480k. That’s extreme, but it happens.

I remember a friend telling me they finally got the 7th house they tried for, only because another buyer backed out. At the time I thought that sounded pitiful. The purchase of a lifetime, so randomly happening. How can you possibly like 7 houses enough to buy I wondered.

Six months later, I’ve loved 3 houses and been overbid each time so I sorta get it. Each place was perfect at the time. Each over-bidder, just another asshole with more money than me.

For the last week I’ve driven by a big, filthy cushion on the ramp to the 405. It’s in that triangular striped area where no one drives, so it hasn’t moved all week. If I had a police escort, I would pick it up just cause I’m sick of looking at it.

How the hell did it get there? Someone lost it while they were driving and kept going? Oh come on, I bet it was something more sinister.

Like when you see a suitcase full of clothes tossed out on the freeway. I’m sure that was no accident. I imagine somebody stuck something in someone they shouldn’t have and public revenge seemed fair. Or someone just didn’t have the balls to break up, and tossing their clothes onto the freeway seemed a good messaging alternative.

Nothing says “We should talk but I don’t wanna” like the old stuff-on-the-highway trick.

A friend had 3 job interviews last month. He thought they all went well and was given the impression he was a serious contender. Things like “We love your work and you’ll be hearing from us.” He would rather have had “You suck” or “I’m not sure you’d be a good fit” so he’s not waiting by the phone. Is that the polite thing to do, give people false hope? Cause that feels mean to me.

An ex that emails occasionally, mentioned grabbing a drink when he’s in LA next week. I answered honestly, that I don’t want to be rude, but don’t see the point in getting together. He’s an ok guy, but we have nothing in common and only dated for maybe 3 months, 5 years ago. So really, what is the point? His response explains it all, he thought it would be fun to hear what I’ve been up to. At least he was honest.

The 8k federal credit ends april 30th so it’s looking likely that I won’t make it. Unless I find another swell house fast and can outbid the other bastards. Of course eight thousand isn’t enough to jump into a house I don’t love, but I did feel the pressure. Yay, the new bigger, better credit begins may 1st. Sorry to my real estate agent #5, let’s take our time and qualify for 2k more.

Sucked in by the groovy kitchen and yard, to a part of town I am so unfamiliar with, it felt like it was meant to be in some crazy way so I made an offer. The house was old and quirky, but updated and charming too. So charming in fact, there were 5 other offers. I loved that damn place, but not 20 or 30k above-asking-price-love.

So I tried to to focus on the negatives to help myself feel better about walking away.

It’s hot out there in the summer. None of my friends are nearby. It’s quiet, but maybe too quiet. I wanted modern or Spanish. Do those ugly tractors have to park right next door? The tiny garage wouldn’t fit my small car. The tiny bedroom, barely enough room for my bed and bedside table. But the worst and most hideous of all, I would always be on high alert for snakes.

It’s a serious fear with me. I can’t even see them in magazines or on tv without flipping out. So it’s back to the city for me, for snake-free living.

And she wonders why not a single neighbor has come over to introduce themselves. Kelly’s a girl that I think is smarter than me about most things. She’s not hung up on manners or etiquette like I can be, she’s more laid back, and takes a week to return an email. So her expectation of anyone coming over, well it’s kinda hilarious to me.

A new neighbor moves in? Who cares. Maybe they’ll say “Hi” when they do see you, but that’s all you can expect. And who says they should come over to her? Am just not sure whose responsibility it is to make the first neighborly move.

Sorry Kelly, you’re way off on this one.