I might never date again. After the last couple scares, I realize it would be easier if I could only give up all expectations. You know the ones like manners, a job, and acting like you’re from this planet.
My last fix-up by friends seemed great at first. Until he laughed. I was thinking ok, maybe I just won’t ever say anything funny so I won’t have to hear that screechy howl of his. But then he laughed at nothing, it came out of nowhere. Like he was hearing something funny in his crazy little head.
When we walked into the bar he went in crazy head first, and the door sorta hit me in the face. Hey, it wasn’t only me surprised, a couple walking out looked on in horror. I felt embarrassed. That I was having drinks with this idiot and would have to kill my friends soon. He flagged down the waiter with a big country wave and yell across the lobby. But there just aren’t enough martinis to make stories of childhood skin disease interesting. So an hour of fake smiling later, I was exhausted and looking for the nearest exit.
Happy to make it out alive with only the awkward parking lot goodbye to go, I was relieved. Until he leaned in several feet and tried to smooch me. Like any smart dater, I used my purse as defense and held it up like a shield. We hugged, purse and all and I scurried off.
I’m usually flattered when my friends think of setting me up with someone. One of my best relationships started that way. So send your great single guy friends to me…I just have a brief mental competency test for them first.
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November 3, 2008 at 7:17 am
Mandy
Okay you need the friend that calls you at a certain so you can get out fast if needed. I may be married but PJ and I are the “get out of jail” free call for a few of our single friends.
I won’t tell you the old BS about once you stop looking he magically appear because well we all know that is totally BULLSHIT. I looked for and found PJ because Lord knows he was too shy to make the first move.
November 4, 2008 at 2:16 am
julie
it’s been so long since i have dated, i forgot that there are all kinds of dildos out there. so sad that manners don’t come with the base model trim… you’d think that it would come standard.
you can always use me as your excuse call… “my friend Julie just got into a huge fight w/ husband/accident/flat tire, and needs me to talk/pick her up/use my AAA card right now”
November 5, 2008 at 7:00 am
Mandy
During your search for the “perfect” man don’t forget that B.O.B. is always the perfect boyfriend. He never talks back and only gives you trouble when he needs new batteries.
November 10, 2008 at 2:52 pm
amber
ah, i forgot about the quality of men out there. I just thought of my saturday morning where i’m walking into starbucks (clearly pregnant) and am heading for the door at the same speed as this nice looking gentleman who clearly speeds up slightly as he reaches for the door. he opens it, walks in and nearly slams it in my face. I guess he really needed his cup of java but hey–so do I damn it!
I’m with Mandy–B.O.B is a sure bet.
November 11, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Joel
Wow! That is a bad date!!! I almost feel bad for laughing… but it was
a pretty funny story.
From reading the comments above, I guess the quality of guys in L.A. is pretty low. Who does not open a door for a lady? But Don’t give up!
True, I have not dated since I have been back here and I don’t date guys…
So I can’t relate. But Good guys are still out there, I am sure. Allthough I don’t agree with the excuse call. I think if one is on a bad date they should
politely end the date at the appropriate time. Probably the sooner the better ofcourse but still I think it show strength to see it through and say goodbye on your terms. I have never had that happen to me (excuse call)
But I would prefer a Lady end the date and tell me either by actions (purse move) or verbally that we are not a match. By the way, who kisses on the first date? Are guys that easy? I would be pretty Jacked up on my Friends though, Have they never heard him Laugh? Or been with him iin a social setting? Surely they must have…
I would ask them, Did I do something to offend you, that you sent me on a date with an idiot!!!…?
If you do go out on any more dates and they are like the one above, I urge you to write about it. They make such a great Read!!!