Stuff I love

I’m not the only one buying cheap t-shirts in the little girls department am I?

No rhinestones, hearts or duckies of course. I got the idea years ago when Gap kids first opened. For solid basic tees it’s great. For working out in, then washing a zillion times I hate to spend real money.

My last Target jackpot scored me girls 6$ stretchy tees. It feels like a splurge and a good deal at the same time, buying a basket full of cute new shirts. Size XL is a little girls 14-16 and fits just right, thanks to my smallish rack. Busty girls, forget it.

If anyone asks, I’ve got a troubled 14 year old at home that I’m shopping for.

I might not pay cash my dream home in Venice. Or make it as Americas Next Top Model. But I will have cupcakes on wheels soon enough.

The Sprinkles treats are going mobile. Starting next week we’ll have red velvet and others, but who cares about any other flavors besides her majesty the queen, red velvet. Mobile gourmet is the trend now, we’ve got fancy snow cones and ice cream sandwiches already. And now my cupcake dreams are coming true.

My mom surprises me with gifts out of the blue and I love it. Yesterdays package had 7 of the cutest old-timey potholders. Aren’t they sweet. She and my cousin Jane found them at an estate sale out in the country, I mean Oklahoma. I imagine they were handmade with love. And I like the idea that they’ve already seen lots of home cookin.

Not that I do a ton of cooking. But now I have a reason to do more. And they fit right in with my groovy vintage apron collection, some are even classics from my own grandmothers. I do love the charming old fashioned stuff mixed in with the modern. Now I’ve just gotta figure out what to serve at my next martini party so I can show off my new-old kitchen accessories.

Who cares where they came from, I love my new $30 sandals. Just sexy enough, without the slutty. They have a nice high heel and are comfy too. You only know they’re cheapies from Target cause I told you.

The greatest thing every woman needs to own? Spanks of course.

I feel bullet proof in mine, all tucked in and tight. Under a dress there’s nothing better. No seams, no lines, just smooth ass. Not so comfy under jeans all day, but why not pull them on for a date, then scrape them off right after. Just make sure you’re alone cause they do look freaky. And yeah, it’s brutal if you need to pee. So try not to.

Even a super fit girl I know um…really well, wears them until she loses the baby weight. I don’t have that excuse, seems I’ll always need to lose 5 pounds. Or lose my sweet tooth. She’s only trying to make this cookie monster feel better, but my favorite fashion-trend advisor Jen, assures me even the skinny 30 year olds she knows wear them too. They sure do boost a girls confidence.

Not feeling all sassy and lean but need to be? Just spank it.

They just might be a girls best friend, and most reliable partner. That 50$ a year fee sure saved my ass this morning.

Monday mornings can suck anyway. But especially with a flat, on the inside lane of 5 on the 405 in traffic. I could feel the hate, as I created the holdup, no one honked or yelled but it was there. I would have put up a big “I’m sorry” sign if I had one. I was the fucker holding up traffic.

Within minutes I had AAA on the phone and they had a guy coming. The woman even stayed on the phone with me til he arrived. Then CHP had to totally stop traffic to help us get across all the lanes to safety. Nothing like standing on a crazy LA freeway as fast drivers become mad ones and go around you. It was weird. I wondered if I knew anyone that was whizzing by. Or if I was on the traffic report. “There’s a nice girl blocking the fast lane, she feels bad so go easy on her”

It could have been worse. After dark would have been dangerous. Or I could have been going somewhere really important. Luckily my boss is cool and understands this kind of thing.

If I didn’t have AAA no idea who I would even call. Who else has a truck with flashing yellow lights, can rescue you in 15 minutes, then change your tire with a smile.

No blow job required.

It always makes me happy. The way some girls feel about Barneys or Bloomingdales.

I like to go when it’s not crowded and take my time. It’s all stuff I’m going to use eventually and I like to be stocked up. A girl can never have too many lotions and potions. Or cute Converse jeans and t-shirts. You can even buy them online then return to the store if you need to like my friend Candy does.

Last time I was there my receipt had a survey that I did to be entered into a drawing for a $5,000 gift card. That’s a lifetime of lip gloss and flip flops in my book. Figure I spend maybe $100 there every couple weeks, so $5,000 would last me pretty much forever. But wait, they have patio furniture, wine and electronics. Oh, and books, diet cokes and workout clothes.

I would never need to shop anywhere else again. My mom’s oversized Target in Dallas even has a regular grocery store in one half. Pretty perfect huh.

Besides the everyday goodies, summer’s here so it’s time for more fake tan spray.

ohnoyes.com/stuff-i-love/inspired-by-denise-richards-and-who-isnt/

I want one in the worst way. Must be how some women feel about having a baby. The dog actually seems possible though, right.

I’ve always had a dog and a cat except the 14 years I’ve lived in LA. But shit, who knew I still wouldn’t have a house and a yard? It’ll happen one day soon and walking them at a shelter is the closest thing til then. I admit to occasionally thinking about hijacking one of the especially lovable ones and taking off. And then I remember, I don’t have the room, I work long hours and oh yeah, I can’t have one in this place.

It’s a no-kill shelter where I volunteer, not sure I could handle the other kind. Talk about heartbreaking. I even had to stop looking at the faces of the available cuties on rescue sites, it made me cry. So many dogs and not enough homes.

My own medium-size rescue pup, and I’d be the happiest girl in the whole USA. The Obama girls got theirs, now it’s my turn.

Some dog laws I have for myself:

• I will not send out Xmas pics with me and my pooch wearing jaunty holiday hats.

• I will not throw a birthday party for my furry little guy.

• And even if a Kennedy sends me one, I’ll send it back for a real shelter dog.

Tick-tock. Here boy!

Suze Orman tells it like it is, she’s my money hero. And unfortunately she predicts two to three more years of this money mess. So here are her 5 steps we can take now to help ourselves survive the situation.

Step 1) Live on half- That’s right. Whatever you’re spending now, just cut it in half. Whoever does, gets a prize. That prize is, not having to live in a tent and pee in a jar.

Step 2) Stash your cash- Forget her previous advice, and now just let that credit card balance sit there while you pay the minimum. Cash is king so hang on to yours. Um yeah, this also means no new charges. Come on, not charging can be fun. Pretend it’s 1812 and there are no credit cards, just bad, dirty men with guns that shoot real bullets when you owe them.

Step 3) Know the government stimulus package- This means take advantage if you can: COBRA premium subsidies and an $8,000 federal tax credit for 2009 first time home buyers.

Step 4) Make your home affordable- There are two parts to this, a home modification program and a refinancing program.

Step 5) Look at what you have, instead of what you had- Maybe her most important step. Cause if you can’t do this, the others are mostly crap.

So get over yourself, and look around to see all that you have now. Notice so many others with much less? Go do something for someone in need. This last one was mine, I’d like to think Suze would approve.

www.someecards.com/