June 2009

I woke up to this today. My orchid that blooms only once a year has come out again. It’s gotta be a sign right? This kind of beauty marks the start of something big, I just know it. Layoffs will not happen. Traffic will be nothing. I’ll win the lottery. Stop dreaming about one of my ex’s. Give up diet coke. Find a not-scary house I like for under $400k. So far, nothing, unless you count lunch at my favorite mexican food place….but I’ll keep you posted.

We were practically sisters. Both from Texas, and our February birthdays were only 1 day apart.

As a young girl I hoped that maybe we were really related and my hair would eventually grow to look just like hers. And Jacklyn Smith and Kate Jackson would have been our best friends. In my mind, I was the forgotten but best, 4th angel.

Then she chose roles in the 80’s that got conversations started and shed light on violence against women.

And she bravely went public with her long painful struggle with cancer.

Okay, so she was a Superstar Bad ass, we had nothing in common, I see that now. We probably didn’t even use the same hair products.

It was easy to love the idea that Farrah and Ryan would finally get married after years of being together on and off. Must be that 12-year old girl in each of us, still always hoping for a happy ending.

I’m not the only one buying cheap t-shirts in the little girls department am I?

No rhinestones, hearts or duckies of course. I got the idea years ago when Gap kids first opened. For solid basic tees it’s great. For working out in, then washing a zillion times I hate to spend real money.

My last Target jackpot scored me girls 6$ stretchy tees. It feels like a splurge and a good deal at the same time, buying a basket full of cute new shirts. Size XL is a little girls 14-16 and fits just right, thanks to my smallish rack. Busty girls, forget it.

If anyone asks, I’ve got a troubled 14 year old at home that I’m shopping for.

I might not pay cash my dream home in Venice. Or make it as Americas Next Top Model. But I will have cupcakes on wheels soon enough.

The Sprinkles treats are going mobile. Starting next week we’ll have red velvet and others, but who cares about any other flavors besides her majesty the queen, red velvet. Mobile gourmet is the trend now, we’ve got fancy snow cones and ice cream sandwiches already. And now my cupcake dreams are coming true.

My mom surprises me with gifts out of the blue and I love it. Yesterdays package had 7 of the cutest old-timey potholders. Aren’t they sweet. She and my cousin Jane found them at an estate sale out in the country, I mean Oklahoma. I imagine they were handmade with love. And I like the idea that they’ve already seen lots of home cookin.

Not that I do a ton of cooking. But now I have a reason to do more. And they fit right in with my groovy vintage apron collection, some are even classics from my own grandmothers. I do love the charming old fashioned stuff mixed in with the modern. Now I’ve just gotta figure out what to serve at my next martini party so I can show off my new-old kitchen accessories.

My girlfriends liked BB, well maybe the idea of him. He was smart, with a great career and seemed to have his shit together.

Then after two dates with him last month, I realized there was no chemistry between us. Or fun, our humor just didn’t connect. I was funny, he was not. He was amused and having a good time, I was waiting to laugh. The conversations just never took off, they felt forced.

So if we’re only going to be friends like I offered, I sure don’t feel right about him paying next time. And then it hit me, I don’t even want to spend one dollar or 5 minutes with him. Hey, I’m saving for a house so I’m kinda careful with my money. I’m bored and uncomfortable around him. I can stay home and feel that way for free.

Who cares where they came from, I love my new $30 sandals. Just sexy enough, without the slutty. They have a nice high heel and are comfy too. You only know they’re cheapies from Target cause I told you.

It’s called “I’m a celebrity, get me outta here” and I got sucked in.

I was desperate, it was the only thing on so I watched, a jungle full of snakes, spiders and crazy. Still not sure why stupid Heidi & Spencer (Speidi) are so well known, but their comments are scandalous. And totally worth watching. Spencer actually said “We are Brad and Angelina Famous” and then “We are too rich and too famous to be here.” Heidi is no smarty, but even she had to embarrassed by his big mouth.

Janice Dickinson seemed like she would be the queen of insanity, but she’s sorta been out crazied by Speidi. They actually prayed like born agains, then blamed the devil for making them leave. For 3 days now they’ve left in a huff, only to come back the next day all sorry and shit. The show is supposedly live. So maybe they realize how obnoxious they were, or someone shows them footage, and they come back to apologize and seem normal for 5 minutes.

I’m sorry everyone. That I live in a city that created those 2 nuts and such a crappy but sorta hilarious show.

Their 15 minutes is way expired, someone please dismiss these fame whores.

The greatest thing every woman needs to own? Spanks of course.

I feel bullet proof in mine, all tucked in and tight. Under a dress there’s nothing better. No seams, no lines, just smooth ass. Not so comfy under jeans all day, but why not pull them on for a date, then scrape them off right after. Just make sure you’re alone cause they do look freaky. And yeah, it’s brutal if you need to pee. So try not to.

Even a super fit girl I know um…really well, wears them until she loses the baby weight. I don’t have that excuse, seems I’ll always need to lose 5 pounds. Or lose my sweet tooth. She’s only trying to make this cookie monster feel better, but my favorite fashion-trend advisor Jen, assures me even the skinny 30 year olds she knows wear them too. They sure do boost a girls confidence.

Not feeling all sassy and lean but need to be? Just spank it.