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Has anyone seen the Kay Jewelers commercial that Jane Seymour is doing now? I thought she was a medicine woman or chateau owner or something. How does she find the time to design ugly heart-themed jewels too? They’re supposed to be open hearts, but it looks more like a swans head to me. The foil animal kind, that waiters used to make for your leftovers.
I hope one day someone loves me enough NOT to shop at Kay Jewelers.
But when the water in the back of the toilet freezes, YES it’s too goddamn cold. I’m in Dallas with family for the holidays and that meant a trip two hours north to the family farmhouse in Oklahoma. It’s in the middle of nowhere, in a town so small it’s restaurants 1 and red lights 0.
The country neighbor down the road has a cute family of goats, as pets, not dinner don’t worry. And an assortment of dachshunds, or what he lovingly calls dash-hounds. Each a different color, it was the variety package, including a few of the long-haired cuties. They chased us and barked like crazy, probably wanting to come home with us. They must have been freezing outside in their pen last night. It was 11 degrees for fuck sake. Like any good trip to the country, we saw a coyote, some sheep, 2 calico chickens and lots of dogs outside. Anywhere else and the SPCA would be alerted. But Oklahoma, forget it. It’s just different there. Oklahoma is OK is the state slogan. I say there is very little OK about that place.
Dear Ancestors,
I’m sorry about your state.
After all the gifts are unwrapped and re-gifted, feel free to pick out what you really want. You deserve it…or maybe you don’t, I don’t know you well enough to say.
Here are a few of my favorite things. And some I just had to share:
Finally, a vibrator I can take anywhere. Now it’s easy to get off and get down at the same time. Plug this vibrator in to your iPod or iPhone and get busy. I didn’t believe it when I first heard about it. I still kinda don’t get it. Don’t we prefer our vibrators cord-free? This reminds me of the old days, you know, before vibrators were cordless. Do the people at Apple know about this?
The coolest reusable shopping bags I’ve ever seen. Wish I would have ordered a bunch to give as gifts. That’s how I got mine, from a clever friend.
Independent artists, groovy products, what more could you want?
http://www.elsewares.com/commerce/index.php
When you’re not being selfish, buy goats, chickens or trees for families around the world. My whole family loves this organization, psssst Mom, guess what you’re getting this year?
Stop the plastic water bottling trash heap. Everyone of you should own your very own refillable water bottle.
Geography lesson and cute cotton tote bag in one. http://www.maptote.com/
I think it’s so much fun to give homemade gifts. And if I really cared I would have knitted. But I needed 10 quick gifts for the girls in my book club, and that’s what baby loaves of pumpkin bread are for. Total Dork Confession… I loved spending the day in the kitchen like an Amish spinster. Didn’t they turn out cute in the little bags? Thank you Micheals craft store, I only wish I bought more bags. The rest of you might be getting your loaves in shoe boxes.
Two weeks ago I had to break into my own home. The plumber had come during the day and accidentally locked me out. It was 9pm on a friday night and I really didn’t want to spend the weekend on my porch. Lucky for me, the nice older couple next door was home and I guess I could have moved in with them. But instead, my handy neighbor grabbed his tools and came over to help.
It took about 30 minutes of really loud banging to bust off the rusty old lock and open the door. I mean super-loud-what-the-hell-are-you-doing banging. He first tried just kicking the door in but that only works on TV. Then he used a sledghammer and on to a crowbar. I think he was having a little too much fun as he tore the lock off. Cause hey, how often do you get to destroy stuff and help someone at the same time?
During the whole noisy thing not a single person came over or even called the cops. I was sorta expecting to have to explain what we were doing to someone, anyone.
The crappy old door was a lot tougher to break open than we expected. And that made me feel good. The fact that no one even noticed all the noise on a quiet street in Santa Monica, not so good.
Made this again for friends a few days ago. It’s easy, looks cool and tastes yummy too. Turns out I love bleu cheese after all.
3 ripe Bartlett pears peeled and chopped
4 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 white or whole-wheat baguette
6 sage leaves, chopped
1/4 cup crumbled mild bleu cheese
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1. Preheat oven to 375°. Melt 3 tbsp. butter in a large pan over medium heat. Add pears and salt. Cook and stir occasionally, til pears are soft, about 10 minutes.
2. Toast now or a day ahead and keep sealed, cut baguette into 16 slices about ¼ inch thick. Spread slices with remaining 1 tbsp. butter and arrange on a baking sheet. Bake slices until toasted, about 10 to 15 minutes.
3. When pears are soft, stir in sage and remove from heat. Top toasted slices with pear mixture then bleu cheese. Sprinkle with pepper. Serve warm and enjoy the compliments.
My mom likes us to go around the table at Thanksgiving and say what we’re thankful for. I felt weird doing it with friends I didn’t know well that day, so I’ve been collecting ideas since then.
Here’s just a few things I’m grateful for right now:
